After many hours scrounging through each and every organization's AHL rosters and endless debating amongst the many voices in my head (one of them speaks French, and I have no idea what he's saying), I have at long last finalized the lineup for My AHL Dream Team. Only this Dream Team isn't based on talent in any way, shape, or form. No sir. This team is built around something other than talent that each and every player is born with: their given name! So here it is (in climactic fashion), the best of the best when it comes to player's names in the AHL....

THE RUNNERS-UP
RYAN DINGLE (Center, ANA) - Too easy.
OSCAR MOLLER (Center, LA) - Oh I wish I had an Oscar Moller w...I probably shouldn't finish this line.
SERGEI OGORODNIKOV (Center, NYI) - He's only 6'1, but man is that a frightening name.
DAN TURPLE (Goalie, ATL) - Future SNL Celebrity Jeopardy question: Goalies, not colors, that end in Urple for $800 Alex.
JONATHAN QUICK (Goalie, LA) - "King's goalie gets lit up Quick" the LA Times would have a field day with that headline.

THE OFFICIAL LINEUP

LINE 4: The "DID HOLLYWOOD MAKE THESE GUYS UP?" Line

JOHN VIGILANTE (CBJ) - BROCK TROTTER (MTL) - BOBBY BOLT (ANA)
This sounds like a crew of superheroes from a blockbuster movie far more than it does a hockey line. Brock "too hot to" Trotter, Johnny Vigilante and Bobby Bolt....coming soon to a theater, er, rink, near you.

D-PAIR 3

TREVOR HENDRIKX (CBJ) - ALEXANDER HELLSTROM (STL)
"I" before "E" except after "C". "X" before "K" except after...anyone? And who wouldn't kill to say "Sends it straight to Hellstrom" a dozen times a game?

LINE 3: The "THESE ARE NICKNAMES, NOT REAL LAST NAMES, RIGHT?" Line

CAL CLUTTERBUCK (MIN) - MARIO BLIZNAK (VAN) - KRIS CHUCKO (CAL)
Cal Clutterbuck: AHL Winger or character from the Beverly Hillbillies? Mario Bliznak: AHL Center, or prominent Club DJ? Kris Chucko: Glad his parents didn't name him Charles.

D-PAIR 2

LUKE BEAVERSON (FLA) - CODY WILD (EDM)
Beavers in the Wild, Beaverson-Wild, these two belong together.

LINE 2: The "EVERY ANNOUNCER'S NIGHTMARE" Line

JORDAN LAVALLEE SMOTHERMAN - PAUL SZCZECHURA - PIERRE LUC LETOURNEAU LEBLOND
(From ATL, TB, and NJ respectively)

A mouthful is an incredible understatement when it comes to describing this line (which would take at least 20 syllables to say aloud). By the time you spit each and every one of their names out on a scoring opportunity, play would already be down the other end of the ice.

D-PAIR 1

MICHAEL FUNK (BUF) - BRAD STAUBITZ (SJ)
There's only one thing I have to say about this dynamic duo: For Funk's sake, Staubitz!

LINE 1: The "RETURN TO NATURE" Line

KYLE GREENTREE (CAL) - ANDREW SWEETLAND (FLA) - WACEY RABBIT (BOS)
Tree huggers, animal lovers, and all you "go greeners" can rejoice over this line. We could host "American Wildlife Foundation" and "Center for Plant Conservation" nights during our home games. Hooray sponsorship!

GOALTENDERS: MISPRONOUNCED AND MISUNDERSTOOD

JASON BACASHIHUA (COL)
PATRICK EHELECHNER (PIT)
Baca-sashwa? Bah-cash-wah? Back-a-chihuahua? Eh-lick-ner? Ee-hee-leshner? I give up. These guys make Yutaka Fukufuji look like John Smith.

This team is going to need a coach, so I'm going to give Hakan Loob a call and see if I can pry him away from his GM gig in Sweden. Lord knows coaching this bunch would be the opportunity of a lifetime.

Until next time, I hope you all enjoyed this. Any good names in the AHL or outside of it on the prospect radar that I missed? I'd love to hear what you all can come up with.

Jesse